Why do we fall?

People fall all the time! Babies fall and then they just get up and keep going. Regardless of how difficult and painful it is for them, they just keep on trying and trying. How come it's difficult for certain adults? There are people that have fallen to the point where they're left with scars for life and yet, they just stop trying. I know I've been in that position before. Especially recently, I've been falling a lot. Granted my knees are all scratched up and bleeding but I somehow find the way to keep going. I have decided that I want to shelter myself up. I want to have fun and not get attached in the process. I was watching How I Met Your Mother and there was a part where the guy meets this girl at a wedding and they're having the time of their life but they don't kiss. The moment was building up, but the kiss never came. It was like a fairy tale of some sort ... and since fairy tales don't come true ... you are left with nothing at the end. Yes, I am being pessimistic ... but I need to in order to protect myself. I never really had to protect myself so much, but it seems like every person I decide to open up to ... I eventually get hurt. I'm tired of getting hurt. I'm tired of having false hopes and whatnot. It's exhausting pretending everything is okay when it isn't. It takes so much energy to put a smile on and pretend everything is just fine and dandy. Most of the time I just wanna scream and take things into my own hands. Sometimes that's not possible, thus I need to imagine everything is fine.

I want things to be calm and peaceful. I want to be able to go to New York for that MUN Conference. I want to be able to break out of my shell and become the assertive bitch I need to be. I need to make a change.