Perfection

Imperfect is the new perfect. [this site made me realize how beautiful I am]

I use to be bulimic. Actually, I am from time to time, but I've realized that the abuse to my body is not worth it, thus, I'm calling the quits. What made me bulimic? Everything started in middle school. I was one out of the few Asians in a school with the majority being Hispanics. I started noticing all my friends going through puberty. The girls that I hung out with started developing breasts. I mean, I knew I was starting to develop too, but mine were nothing compared to them. No guy wanted me. I felt like I was the fat, nerdy, Asian girl no one really wanted to be with. I heard about bulimia through the media and I was thinking "Hmm ... throwing up by just shoving my finger down my throat? Sounds crazy! ... does it work?" Next thing I know, I would eat all I can, then I was hung over the toilet bowl throwing up everything. Sadly enough I felt better about myself but every time I look at the mirror, I would still see the fat girl still staring back at me. I stopped for a while, but then I started again. I didn't care about the consequences, I just wanted to be thin. I wanted to be beautiful. I didn't understand what the term meant since it seemed like the media portrayed beautiful in a different way. Every time I look in the mirror, I see myself ... sometimes as the fat girl ... sometimes as the girl that is lost and still trying to find herself. I know for sure, that it's about time I should stop hurting my body and start appreciating myself.

Everyone has their flaws. I know I have some pretty big flaws. I over analyze things to the point where I try to control everything that happens in my life. But then after talking with a friend about it, there's no mystery in life if I know what's going to happen. I'm the girl that wants to prepare for the worst ... just because she doesn't want to get hurt. Life is all about taking risks and making mistakes and learning from them. I need to start understanding that I AM beautiful because I am flawed and my flaws make me who I am. No one wants to be perfect because being perfect means there's no more mystery. I want spontaneity in my life ... I'm ready to go with the flow :]

There are things that I can work and improve for my own benefit. I'm still trying to discover who I am ... I mean who doesn't in college? I like my pudgy nose that resembles lilo from lilo and stitch. I like my boobs because I have boobs lol [i came a long way from high school to have boobs!] I like my teeth, which has gaps in between them, even though they're not straight and pearly white, but they're not yellow either. I like my chipmunk cheeks because it gives someone something to squeeze. Speaking of something to squeeze, I like my ass because like I said, I have an ass! It's not a budunkadunk but it's still something ;] I am currently working on being confident in front of people, but that takes time. Everything takes time and it's all worth the wait ;] The best things will take a lot of my patience, but I know that it will be mind blasting. My promise to myself is to stop thinking negative and just live life how it is and to stop making it so complicated than it needs to :D

I am imperfect and I accept that :]