Confessions.

I'm crying in the inside. I feel overwhelmed, scared, stressed, lonely, fat, and many other feelings I can't seem to come up with words to describe. I feel like an omelet, except for the yummie part. Four classes is definitely taking its toll on me; I am so behind on my readings, I have yet to read the book for my classes and yet, I just finished taking two midterms this week. I had a quiz in comparative literature and I didn't know what the hell I was writing about. I ended up writing gibberish or whichever just came to my little pathetic mind. My poli sci 20 midterm just went to hell. I studied, but I guess it just wasn't enough. My sociologt midterm wasn't so bad, I knew what I was doing but I did that thing where I underestimated my guess so ended up second guessing myself. Not only that, the topic I came up was totally the wrong thing for my paper so I need to come up with another topic. I have three essays due next week, fortunately for me, they're no more than 3 pages. I have my poli sci 10 midterm the week after next, I don't even know how I feel about that. I feel like I should've been on top of my game this quarter since I really want to do well. It's almost week 5, meaning it's the middle of the quarter, that scares the sh*t out of me. I wish I can relax and do well, I wish I was one of those people that understand it the first time, I wish for so many things. I wanted to work towards a beach body for the summer but that's going down hill since I always feel lethargic after my classes, maybe I'll just work on my cardio and run on my own time. I feel so fat to the point where I have started throwing up again. I use to be bulemic before, I got over it, now ... with all this pressure, it's coming back. I'm scared of it coming back. I don't want to be bulemic, but I feel so lost. I can't find a job, I know, like I need a job with all this workload, I just want a job to help my mom pay off the car payments as well as the insurance for my car. I'm so stupid. I can't even afford the car, I should've just said no. What the f*ck was I thinking? I don't know about the boyfriend. He said he would try his best to stop playing games for me. What is he doing now? Playing games. What the f*ck. You know what? Whatever. Cause you know why? Cause everything is going to end up being okay, I'm just going to ignore it and bottle it in. Quite frankly, I have just lost it. I don't know anymore. I hate going home to Hawthorne, the ONLY reason I go home is for family. The honest truth, I don't even a F*CK about certain people in Hawthorne. There are a few people I still care about, unfortunately I don't get to see them as often. You know what, it's because of YOU. YOU took something important from me in high school, I said I didn't care but the honest truth, I cared. YOU know exactly what you took away from me, I didn't want to admit I wanted it cause everyone was with you. I was just there. I sucked it up and went along with it. YOU practically turned everyone against me when YOU disliked me. I don't even want YOU to contact me anymore because there's no point. Obviously replacing a best friend is simple, but thanks to YOU, having a best friend is scarring. It's not like you're going to read this but THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU. Anyways. I'm trying my best to stay here [Riverside] for the summer. I rather deal with the heat then go back to that shitty town, and run into people I don't even want to see. Thank goodness I graduated and I'm going to work my ass off to try to stay away from that god-forsaken town.

drained.

I am soooo freaking tired! Four courses and all 8am classes is definitely taking its toll on me =[

... on the other hand ... I have a car now ....

So ... tireddddddd

omfg.

omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg omfg!!!!!!!!! =]

1st Week of School

[[ Week One ]]
omfg. Week one of school is very, VERY tiresome. I didn't think it would be that tiresome but damnnn! Since I have classes starting at 8am every morning, I had to learn how to sleep early. That was quite hard for me considering the fact that I'm use to waking up around noonish or so ever since I started college. Sunday and Monday night was difficult for me to sleep so I basically went 48 hrs without a full night's rest. Luckily Oscar was nice enough to take me to Rite Aid to get some Melatonin to help me sleep. Mann, that thing works wonders! They are so much better than sleeping pills! Sleeping pills makes you fall asleep but you cannot wake up whatsoever. Therefore, you need to allow at least 8+ hours worth of rest and then you can wake up. Melatonin help aid sleep and you can wake up without any groggy affects! So far it's helping me sleep, I mean, I woke up early for a Saturday and I am quite shock! Besides sleeping, the work load is definitely a lot. A lot of reading for sure. A LOT! It's okay, I like reading compared to doing math problems :] I like the work load, it's very nice and it keeps me busy!

[[ One Call to Change em' All ]]
I woke up to a call that change my day. Lol. My mom's friend happened to call me and told me that ... I MIGHT GET A CAR! Woot! lol Even though it's a possibility, I'm still excited. Then one of the representatives called me and then we were discussing about the car and whatnot. They gave me special treatment since apparently my mom's friend is head of the company so I was like whoa!!! sweeeeet! lol I'm excited!! =] I mean, I was doing fine without a car in Riverside but it's so boring when I go home. But other than that, yay! :]

I'm so excited!! Ahhh! I'm gonna go eat some brunch before I leave to go search for my car! Wish me luck!