Disappointment.

Disappointment [dis-uh-point-muhnt]: to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of

I am terrified of disappointment. I hate seeing the look of disappointment on someone's face when I'd let them down. This quarter has been so busy for me. I'm hardly home, I'm usually on campus getting some work done. I took a week off last week since it was my "chill" week but now we're onto week seven ... no more ditching from now on ... ditching would be one of the most stupidest things I can do right now. MUN is taking up my time as well, on Wednesdays and Thursdays, I'm usually at school til around 9ish or whenever meetings end due to our preparation for the upcoming conference in New York. I met up with my partner today to work on our position paper ... man oh man ... we're so lost and befuddled with what's going on. We were shooting our ideas at each other and it helped clear our mind a bit. But once I got home and sat in front of my laptop ... I just stared at it ... my bed is covered with my textbooks ... they're opened ... but I can't seem to focus ... ugh ... I need to keep reminding myself to keep pulling through ... and that everything ... all this hard work ... this stress ... will ALL be worth it at the end ... I just need to keep thinking that ...

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day has always been one of those holidays that I have dreaded ever since I entered middle school. I miss those days in elementary school where I would anticipate buying the cutest valentine's and then making the cutest valentine bag. I remember looking forward to the day where everyone would pass out their valentine's and then afterwards, everyone would go to their table and dump out their bags and read all of their valentines. Once I entered middle school, everyone was involved with the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing and then I felt so left out since all the girls were pretty much developing and I was kind of stuck there. I remember having a crush on this one boy in 8th grade. I remember him being quite cute and tall [I always had a thing for tall guys] I remember trying to impress him and getting him to notice me, but nothing really worked :[ High school phase came rolling around and that was quite a disaster. I remember seeing my 8th grade crush around, it actually turns out that he impregnated his girlfriend and now they have a baby [congrats to them!] High school was when I was boy crazy and whatnot. It seemed like I always had a valentine for valentine's day. This year on the other hand, this year I do not have a valentine.

Why do I not have a valentine? Well, I recently broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago because I felt like I needed to rediscover myself. Ever since my break up, I have been trying new things and met tons of new people. With that came with new boys ... little did I realize that the whole dating world is vicious! I usually attract the "nice guys" but I once read in a blog somewhere that there are two kinds of nice guys, the nice guy that is genuinely nice and will make an effort to remain friends even if something awkward happens, and then there's the nice guy where he's just being nice in order to get some loving ... It appears like I've been attracting the wrong nice guys. I feel like Pandora's box where I'm scared to open up to someone because I'm just going to get hurt again. Getting hurt is not fun! :[ I CAN have a valentine today, but technically I choose NOT to. I was always the girl that would expect something romantic and sweet from my significant other at the moment, and most of the time, it seemed like I expected more. That was bad on my behalf, thus this year, I plan to be single on Valentine's day.

Honestly, I don't mind being single. I have been in relationships for so long that it feels nice to be single. I have so much on my hands at the moment and I don't think it would be fair for me to get involved with someone and then try to balance my time with everything. Although I wouldn't mind having someone admire me ;] I miss those texts that would make me smile. I miss someone wanting my presence. I miss the small surprises and the little butterflies. Don't get me wrong, I'm quite the hopeless romantic ... I actually want to find someone that's a hopeless romantic too ... but what are the chances of that? I want to meet someone that would sweep me off my feet, but then again, I'm one to not believe in fairy tales and whatnot. I want to meet someone that is willing to put in the effort to change my mind. I admit, I do sound like I'm expecting too much, but that's how I am. I am willing to put in effort, if the same amount of effort is implied. Reasonable don't you think so? :/

Other than that, thank you for taking time to read my blog and hope everyone has an awesome Valentine's day with your significant other :]

Oh! Make sure to wrap that sh*t if you're gonna do the dirty deed that day! :] No glove, no loveeee!! <3